the christmas spirit is missing for a lot of people and until very recently, i was one of them. perhaps it was the fact that school was becoming a real burden, orgs weren't easing up either and motivation was really lacking ever since the loss, but i was really at a loss until yesterday... yesterday was the kind of day which you could say that everything fell into place. it started out with angel and a lot of stories and catching up to be done. then, we got hanna and spent the entire afternoon together getting what all three of us needed - a little time with friends and searching for guidance. at night, great SB at patsy's and chuckie's wherein i won the first 14-man sb poker challenge. at the end of the day... total hours - 16 consumed goods - hero 'n' mojos, peppermint brownie, krinkles, pizza, kfc, chicken relleno, inihaw na liempo, lumpia, fruit salad, softdrinks, green salad, m&m's, chips, pistachio nuts friends met with - 28 net expenses - 0 pesos *** more than the fact that i didn't really spend a single peso for an entire great day, what made me feel the christmas spirit was just that friends were all together having fun and being there for each other. there were a lot of laughs, some drama, some silent language, but you could sense the feeling of being with the people you care most, and probably, that's the christmas spirit alive right there...it doesn't have to be grand, expensive, fancy or high-profile. any day could be a great day with great company.

i was sort of hoping i wouldn't have to write a realistic entry after my last one (for friends only), but unfortunately, the streak had to come to an end. in spite of what i would say as my best game ever, we couldn't win it in overtime. after a 18-0 or 20-2 run, i guess we just ran out of gas, and folded up.

i would have to say personally, that it was the most exciting game i had ever played in. maybe the most emotional as well because it got me screaming after every basket. i have to give huge amounts of credit to my team who pretty much just had me shooting the ball with shots their defense created. also, i have to mention how much they put themselves into the game (with some of them even coming to the point of tears). guys, sorry i couldn't finish the job. thanks for the season. bawi tayo next year.

***

Now that it’s back to reality, it sucks that I have a mental block just when I need to write a theo paper. It’s probably partly because of all the physical damage I have with all of my limbs being victims of wounds, bruises or both, aching muscles and sore joints. I may have just spent myself too much, and now, I have no more well to go to. but, there's no time for making excuses since there is work to be done.

perhaps, the rest of the school year is all just a question of motivation for me. i mean, this is espcailly highlighted by the fact that christmas is in 2 weeks and i still am stuck in trying to find God in the matrix. without a doubt, there are lots of probable and good sources for motivation, but i jsut feel really spent as of now in all aspects. it feels like i've just run out, and i really believe that only time off can get me recharged again.

***

with everything going on, what actually disturbs me is not that everything is seemingly slipping out of my hands. actually, it's the fact that all of that happening is just passing over my head and i can't get myself to do anything about it. i don't know if i've just been rendered powerless or i've just become apathetic or it's just the fatigue. all i really want is everything to finish up as soon as it can. para lang matapos na..

First off, some unfortunate news…

 

The lolo of nico agustin passed away this past week. We would like to express our deepest condolences with nice and his family. Nico was very close to his lolo, and we just hope he will be ok. Our prayers our with him.

 

***

 

The very ambitious dream of sweeping all four IAC divisions stopped this afternoon when Nova-B2004 was beaten in their semis game. The offense went really sour as there seemed to be lids on top of the rims for the team. The defense did its usual job, and held Villamor under 60. However, it was just one of those days when nothing would drop through.

 

With this, the focus shifts to 2 remaining games this week – Crisolismo vs Kainan on Wednesday and Crisol vs L2004 on Friday. Both semis matches will crucial in the quest for three titles this year, especially with the Women’s Championship seemingly in firm grasp already.

 

***

 

With all that’s going on with the IAC, sem back into full swing, stress, etc. I had forgotten that it is already December. It’s Christmas time, and for the most part, it is everyone’s favorite holiday because of all the festivities and happy times time that come along with it. I am part of this majority; however, there is another date in this month that I am curiously waiting for.

 

If you’ve known me long and well enough, the twelfth of December has been kind to me for the past several years. In fact, every two years, something which I consider to be very big and special comes up, and it just so happens that it is due this year. I don’t want to jinx the date by waiting for something god, but I can’t help but think of the many possibilities which I would like to happen. As to what specifically those scenarios are, it’ll be my secret to keep. For those who know what happened in the past, quiet na lang kayo.

 

***

 

Shameless Plug:

Crisol (B2004) vs L2004

The LB battle for the finals

Friday, December 9

Loyola Schools Covered Courts

 

If there are people there who are my friends (Asa!), you will watch and cheer for us.

happy birthday to mr. raj olympia...
good luck in the states. mag-uwi ka ng pasulbong next time you're here.

anyway, i'll be out playing basketball later.. finally.. the 8 o'clock habit in a nearby village court might actually be the kick-off for my getting back into any sort of game shape. after being sick and 3 weeks of any form of the game, i expect to get winded easily, but i'll just have to run through it so that i'll be competitive enough for our do-or-die game once the IAC is back into full swing.

i also noticed that when i woke up at 9am today to watch the NBA game, that i could actually go 12 hours or so watching only basketball today. 2 NBA games (9-230), 2 PBL games (230-6), 1 PBA game (6-8) & another NBA game which i missed in the morning (8-?).. pwede pala mag-addict mode..

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i was talking to a friend still in ateneo high school just last night. he's a soph, so they just recently had their sophomore interaction. in a strange twist, AC pa sila ngayon. medyo malayo... anyway, when i was talking to him, he seemed to be so worried about their class making a bad impression or something like that. being older, i just told him that he shouldn't be worried and all of that. some big brother type of advice deal siguro at that time.

looking at this, i couldn't help but ask myself some questions like "has so much happened in 4 years that i talk like this now when i probably was worse than he was?", "ganun na ba ko katanda?", etc... wala lang. how i see things these days and how i don't make as big a deal of things has really been a big change since then. i mean, it does lessen the paranoia and the stress by a great deal. it's no secret that it comes with the ageing and the experiences of 4 years passing, but does it reach a point wherein we're able to desensitize ourselves already to the possible childlike/naive moments that we used to enjoy so much before? parang are we trying to grow up too much that we miss the point of it all?

wala lang. just something i thought about..

well, since it's been such a long time since i've actually updated, you can pretty much assume that there is nothing going on in my life. (yes, useless na start pa lang.)

at 10am today, it will mark my third DNP (did not play) due to sickness. by te way things hae transpired, pretty much the break has been the opposite of what i had planned. i was supposed to get into better shape for the coming sem and rest of the iac season, but my ageing and weak body has decided otherwise. oh well, looks like the first week back will be a crash course.

it would also be pretty much an understatement to say that i am out of touch with the rest of the world. i haven't been really out with people with the exception of the SB at ayala heights for halloween. consequently, i think i got sick because of the haunted house, but nothing confirms that. so, it can be assumed that aside from nothing going on in my life, i don't know if anything else is going on in other people's. of course, probably meron sa kanila, but for certain wala sa akin. LB eh...

anyway, since i'm online on borrowed time, i'll cut this short. i'll probably update when the sem starts up again. hopefully, may ma-kwento na ako by then. until then, there's a lot of NBa to watch and a lot of getting healthier to do...that's it. useless diba?

for everyone trying to find the point in all this mess...

our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
it is our light, not our darkness that must frighten us
your playing small does not serve the world.
there is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
we were meant to shine as children do.
it's not just in some of us.
it's in everyone.
and as we let our own lgiht shine, we consciously give permission to others to do the same.
as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Timo Cruz (Coach Carter)

first off, sorry to the people who are requesting that i avoid basketball entries.. just have to mention these things..

1) nova - b2004 got back on track with a statement game, 66 - 7 against the red roosters. nothing major, but it will hopefully help the team with its remaining games against Team Arjay (I) and Team Agustin (CSA).

2) team crisol lives to fight another day by beating mang genielicious, 49 - 44. very notable performances were those of billy (10 points, 2 3-pointers made) and carlo (18 points). now, it even seems as if carlo is the team barometer. when he scores 18, we win, so it might be the magic number.

also, sorry to the people on the bench na sinigawan ko in the course of the game. medyo sensitive kasi yung team, and they respond to things they hear outside of the court, so baka mawalan ng confidence. tulungan nyo na lang next time. thanks.

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in spite of the many positive things that actually occurred last week, it somehow comes with a cloud of darkness with it. i mean, for the possibly "good" things that happened for me, i had to pay a price to get them - whether it be time, effort, grade or whatnot. also, the happy things that seemed to be purely products of sincere work and perseverence seemingly were futile as they came under the shadow of graver and hard events.

i recognize the fact that things come in pairs, as in a friend's essay i had read in 4th year. happiness and sadness, triumph and failure, etc all come hand-in-hand. a person experiencing the former would entail that someone else is experience the latter and vice versa. it's unfortunate that this is true, but it is so much worse when the victory you experience is so miniscule in comparison to the defeat.

looking at this optimistically, one might say that "things happen for a reason" or some other cliche. i'm just not in the mood to be optimistic right now..

to set some context, two sayings:

"the ends do not justify the means."

"kapag gusto, maraming paraan. kapag ayaw, maraming dahilan."

---------------------------------------------

looking at the two sayings, they're pretty contradictory. the first one says that there are some things that shouldn't be done to achieve our goals while the other one says it can be done through any way and at any cost. perhaps, they're not really contradictory or opposites if you find a way to incorporate and meld them into one.

what i'm talking about isn't some distorted saying, but rather a mindset. i mean, realistically speaking, whatever we can do, we should do in order to achieve our goals and dreams. after all, if we don't go after it ourselves, who else can we rely on to do it for us? we're not kids anymore, and we need to take our own lives into our hands.

there is of course, a separate yet not completely independent discussion of ethics. living in a world where other people exist, we cannot pretend that we are its masters and live as if nobody would be affected by what we do. so, merging it with what i said earlier, we have to do everything within the right methods to achieve our goals ourselves.

personally speaking, i've set high expectations for myself, and with all the stress going on, it would be very easy to simply slack off and say that it's just too much. realistically, the amount of stress is passable as something too much to handle. doing that though would be the path of least resistance, and would be accepting defeat the first time an obstacle crosses your path.

reading through everything i've written so far, it's not really worth a lot. i mean, anyone can come to the conclusion after 10 mintues or less of serious refelction and contemplation. it's just my way of convincing myself that there is a way to snatch the victory from impending defeat. God after all, helps those who help themselves, and by pouring it out, maybe He'll answer my prayers again. if it doesn't turn out that way, at least i can sleep with a clean conscience that says that i left everything on the floor, figuratively.

basta, kaya 'to.. one more push, one more hard drive, one more defensive stop, one more time.. all out.. 

due to demand for another non-basketball entry:

List seven of your favorite songs of the moment in your journal and force seven other people to repeat this process or a puppy somewhere in the world will be sad.

1) mayonnaise - pink white blue
2) hale - kung wala ka
3) hale - here tonight
4) los lonely boys - heaven
5) gavin degraw - i don't want to be
6) the exies - ugly
7) damien rice - cannonball

i live by the name of the singers of song #4 at hindi na ako mage-explain..

tagging: patsy, rocky, face, gela, marien, mar, chad

oh, sabi daw force, so cooperate kayo! haha

after answering a survey in the caf last friday and gela and marien complaining that i don't write about anything except basketball, here comes a basketball-free entry... surprise!

first off, some birthday greetings..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the King, Jon-D Crisol

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Olive Santos of Block P

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i went to gateway by myself to do our Stat Project this afternoon and just sat in the middle of the food court counting the number of people that would approach each stall. with gateway being the middle of cubao and the sheer number of people that go to the mall during weekends, it didn't surprise me that the food court was overflowing with people. it wasn't unusual to see people jogging towards free tables once one was free. it was sort of funny in some cases since there were those who were trying to act poised while getting to the table and there were those that were intense.. as in sprint pa talaga even if they were bringing a couple of bags..

while i was counting though, it somewhat hurt my nationalistic side when the stalls that were being visited least were the stalls selling filipino food. practically speaking, it would have been logical for people to not buy from these stands since the food being sold their probably is part of their regular circulation of meals anyway. i mean, i think 95% of all filipino households have had inihaw na liempo or sisg or sinigang as their main dish during one of their meals at home... so, people choosing to buy something else would have been logical from a "minsan lang ako lalabas" point-of-view... nevertheless, my nationalistic pride was rather hurt.

when i went inside fully booked though, my Filipino pride took another blow as i saw where the Filipino-written books were placed in comparison with the others. they were somewhat hidden in the shelves facing the wall in a rarely visited part of the store, and not even organized in such a way that it would catch some attention. i just think that for this industry of ours to improve, it has to get some attention even by just being placed properly inside visible shelves.

i don't why all of a sudden i'm getting this rush of nationalistic pride, but i guess i've never left the country or had to be pursecuted for it or have represented the country in anything, and maybe that sense of inaccomplishment is the reason. especially in this time of extreme individualism, i guess it might be right that the country by uplifted even in just the little things to help push it up the hill.